The Real AC Hookers

I really gotta start writing more frequently, there's just too much random funny shit that goes on. So last weekend once again found us in the ghetto fabulous haven known as Atlantic City. However, unlike previous AC trips where we stay in the comfort of the Flagship hotel timeshare, we were forced to downgrade to, um, cheaper accomodations- namely, the Econo Lodge. Now, I guess with a name like "Econo Lodge", you're getting what you ask for. I doubt you'll ever find a traveler's guide that names an "Econo Lodge" as a four star destination. This Econo Lodge, however, was particulary horrid- located on the less populated end of the strip near the Tropicana, the room smelled faintly of bleach and death and I could only imagine if the walls could talk what they could tell me had gone on in room 118. Needless to say, I slept in my socks and waited until I got home the next day to shower. But the real fun of the night came at about 5 in the morning after a long and grueling night of handing over my hard earned cash to the Wild Wild West Casino. We had just returned to the room, Jay had gone out to the car to get something and had just returned and informed me "yo your hookers are outside". I should probably preface this by saying that ever since seeing the AC Hookers special on HBO some months back, with every trip to AC I always say "tonight I want to see the hookers". In the special, you see them trapzing around the strip, in front of all the casino peddling their wares (AKA- diseased orifices) wearing next to nothing. However, until that point I had never actually seen them myself. So, in my drunken state, I ran outside practically colliding right into them. They were middle aged, dumpy, crackhead looking black women. In theory, they probably couldn't pay ME enough to come within a 15 foot radius of my penis. So me, all tanked up, approaches them with "Yo ladies how you doin?"....



ME: "Yo ladies how you doin?"
WHORE1:"hey baby...you want some suck? fuck?"
WHORE2:"we can do some lezzzzzbo for you"
ME:"ummmm hmmmm how much"
WHORE2:"why don't we go in your room and talk about it"
ME:"i got a friend in there let me go see if its cool with him"


So I go running back into the room hysterically laughing. Jay is genuienly disturbed. Two seconds later there's a knock on the door. Before I could even react Jay yells "GO AWAY HOES!!!". So at the end of the day, I lost 500$ to the evil Slingo and Blazin 7's slot and Texas Hold Em table- but I did get to meet some of the real AC hookers.

Summer Halfway Point

So I managed to neglect this for the whole month of July, but I guess thats due to my obsession with MySpace. So its about 95 degrees out today, Bill is out of the office and I've done absolutely no work today. It feels good, although I would rather be lying out in the sun. Instead I'm sitting here with the freakshow Cynthia that sits next to me (counting down the minutes until she gets shitcanned by Bill) and seeing Ann's leering, scary face walk by me every ten minutes.

The summer so far has quite lived up to my expectations. The weather has been holding up fairly decently. The fourth was a lot of fun and we managed not to get arrested for illegal fireworks. It seems as if the summer of 2005 is going to be defined by Saturday nights in Chris and Michelle's backyard playing Texas Hold Em. Jay and I haven't been out to Colosseum on a Saturday more than once in the past two months, because we've been playing cards. It's absolutely addicting. Speaking of cards and gambling, the four J's (Jarrod, Jessica, Jason and James) spent a wonderful night in AC last weekend (I called out sick it was so empowering to lie about having the flu). Of course we all lost our shirts, but we had a lot of fun in the process. Between the Slingo, Price is Right and Wheel of Fortune nickel slots, I was in heaven. Unfortunately, I got my ass kicked in the table games and it was all downhill from there.

Tonight everyone is coming over for dinner. We're gonna order in. Should be good times. Did I mention I love my friends?

I'll try to update more frequently and not forget about this thing