I Know It's Been A While

My lack of attention to my blog has been on mind alot, but I haven't had too much to say lately, although I really missed the boat on writing a detailed review of "New York Ripper". But that's neither here nor there.

So the weather is getting warmer, I actually went for a run today at Gateway (which was later counteracted by a late night trip to Applebees). Normally I'm pretty happy when the weather gets warm, but lately I've been dreading the passing of the months as I start to face the imminent reality that my life is about to change fast and furiously. I could write a list (so I will). I'm about to watch the house I grew up in sold to filthy obnoxious Russians. Watching my parents move to a strange house over an hour away. Moving in with Jay. Doing my own laundry. Being responsible for feeding myself every night. Paying rent, utilities, cable, groceries, furniture. Potentially changing jobs to something less miserable. Watching Jay change jobs and get a big boy paycheck. Getting actual work DJ'ing in other cities and traveling.

And worst of all, watching as my friends that I spend the most time with move away from Staten Island.

It's like everything that I've become accustomed to as part of everyday life is about to just shift to something totally different. And granted, I'm all for change, as long as its for the better. As much as I sometimes fear change and dislike not being totally comfortable and accommodated in all ways, I understand the whole "growing up" aspect. Trust me, I'm not one of those losers that hangs on to the past and jerks off over my high school photo album and cries when I pass the Country Club Diner. But I just feel can't help but feel an enormous sense of loss, with a some sadness and uncertainty thrown in there. I try to focus on the positive, as far as living with Jay goes. But I know deep down that there's so much I'm going to miss about things as they were.

I thought about it alot tonight as Gelo, Federico and I decided to go to the scene of the police standoff on Travis Ave, making horribly inappropriate jokes about Chinese people the whole time and standing on the corner watching nothing for a good half hour. As juvenile as it seems, those are the sort of things I'm going to miss. That's what I'm sad about losing. Sometimes Jay doesn't realize how lucky he has it- a group of friends almost completely within walking distance of each other, who have been around forever and don't seem to be going anywhere anytime soon. At least if I had that to hold on to, maybe the whole breaking up of the family in Staten Island wouldn't sting so much.

I guess I could cry about this all day, but I guess this is just the beginning of something new. I just hope it all works out.