The Elderly Are Out To Get Me

In a bizarre series of events taking place over a 12 hour period, it appears that Staten Island's senior community are out for blood. My blood...

Incident #1-
While driving home on Clarke Ave, I spy a Jeep Laredo about 20 yards ahead of me slowing to a stop, appearing to getting ready to turn into the FoodTown parking lot, waiting for another car to exit. With plenty of room to spare, I go to go around him on the right side, when he suddenly decides to turn right, effectively slamming into my poor Civic. The guy gets out of the car, and it's one of those stereotypical Staten Island guys in their 50's- you know the type- white hair, not quite old enough to be considered "an old man" but definately older than middle aged. Usually with an obnoxious tough-guy "I'm not an old man so fuck you" attitude. That type. Probable some sort of veteran. Who cares. Anyways- he proceeds to blame it on me, telling me "you're in such a rush to get around me, you're not supposed to pass on the right side". To which I reply, "if you want to get the DMV rule book out, you're supposed to signal before making a turn". Long story short, he feeds me some bullshit line that he's "in the business" of insurance then tries to instruct me how to file with my insurance company (all the while I'm thinking to myself "uhh, you need a police report for these sort of things"). His car suffered no damage while my rear drivers side door was smashed in. Luckily, the door itself opens and closes fine, so I will probably be able to get away with just replacing the door skin. His parting words to me were: "well, you're young, in a rush and you fucked up. It's not a big deal". I was not about to argue with him further.

The next morning....

Incident #2-
I drive my battered Civic to the bus in the morning, and park my car on Princeton St, as I have done every morning for the past 14 months. To preface the story I'm about to tell, I should mention that sometimes over the past year, I notice this scary looking old woman sweeping outside her house when I park my car in the morning, and to me it always appeared that she was grilling me hardcore, giving me an evil look. I figured maybe I was just imagining it, or maybe that was just her permanent facial expression. Whatever the case, I hadn't seen her outside of her house in months, leading me to believe that maybe she died. Ha ha. I usually don't park near her house, as she lives about half way up the block, and I tend to park at the top of the block closest to Hylan. However, that morning I could see most of those spots had already been taken, so I just pulled into a spot in front of her house (I should mention as a side note that the space in front of her property is large enough for about 3 cars to fit comfortably). As I get out of my car she runs out of her house in her nightgown. Here is a pretty faithful transcript of what happened:

Crazy Old Woman: Does this look like a private parking lot to you?
Me: Excuse me, what?
COW: You heard me- does this look like a private parking lot to you?
Me: Uhh..It looks like a public parking spot to me (this bitch obviously picked the wrong kid to fuck with if she was hoping for a sheepish apology)
COW: You park your car here all the time, you don't live here!
Me: Listen lady (biting my tongue from saying "fucking bitch"), where I park my car is no concern to you. This is a public street and I'll park my car whereever I want, whenever I want.
COW: This is MY house! I sweep and clean out here every day.
Me: So me parking my car here is littering your yard...Wait, you know what, this is ridiculous. This is a public street. If you have a such a problem with this, you should move to a gated community where you won't have to worry about monitoring people parking on your block
COW: GO TO HELL!

Is it me? They're out to get me.