Having a moment here

An email I sent out tonight in a rare display of not being such a hardass...

Hey guys,

I just wanted to send you guys a big thank you for being there for me through all the events that have gone on since Christmas. These last couple of months have been extremely taxing on me given what's going on in my house, and in my head, but I feel so much better now that you guys know what's been going on with me for the past two years. It's a long time, I know, and I only wish I could have had the balls to tell you all sooner. Hopefully things will get better over time, but in the meantime it means a hell of a lot knowing Nancy is ready to kill to protect me and BJ is ready to incarcerate on a moments notice :-)
You know I don't get very, um, emotional towards anything on the surface, but just know now if I never said it before that you all mean a lot to me, and I'm a better person for having you all in my life. We've all been through a lot together, and we've all grown up a lot more now than ever. I mean, BJ has a fucking career. What's up with that?
Knowing that you guys don't see me any differently now than you did before makes up for all the negativity I have encountered. I have never been more happy to be around you all like I was this past weekend. The whole night of BJ's party, I really felt like I was the luckiest person in the world to have friends who never for a second thought to judge me, question me or ostracize me. If I could keep you all around me 24/7 I would, I've never been happier than the past couple of weeks when we've all been together, regardless of where we are or what we're doing.
As much as I love being with Jay, Jay doesn't even know me half as well as you guys do (right now BJ is thinking of a dirty response to that, I know) and my family, well, is my family. Each of you know me better than anyone else in the world, which is a big deal to me. It's going to take a long time before everything with me is "okay" again, and I'm going to need you all now more than ever to get there (well that and therapy- therapy here I come). I hope we can all be together again soon.

Love you all

James


Federico, Jen, Nancy, Me, BJ and Christie- June 2003